Posts Tagged ‘Oolong’


Episode 5 – Yamcha the Desert Bandit

I think we’re making progress. The voice over intro for the episode calls Oolong a “perverse pig.” Given he kidnapped underage girls to wed them, I think we’re inching closer to an accurate description of his character.

Wait. Nevermind. We got a “pat pat” to Oolong’s crotch in under two minutes. Goku, please, watch that terrible sexual harassment video from the 1980s.

When it’s revealed that the trio is off to Fire Mountain, Oolong transforms into a fish and bails out of fear of someone called the Ox King. Goku jumps in after him, but only after stripping, because it’s not Dragon Ball without Goku giving us a crotch shot.

Goku fails to catch the slippery fish-pig, but Bulma decides to lure him in with sure-fire bait: her panties. Yes, I’m still watching this. No, I have no idea what the hell is going on.

Once on shore, the trio begin their trek toward the mountain, though not until after Goku drops his pants and pees in the river. I’m starting to sense a theme.

Oolong tries to slip away again, but finds out the hard way that Bulma slipped him a special pill. Anytime she makes piggy sounds, he feels a sudden and intense need to defecate, proving that the phrase “happy as a pig in shit” just doesn’t work.

The episode pivots quickly to a battle between Goku and Yamcha the Desert Bandit. In case you were wondering, Yamcha is yet another food reference. It’s the Chinese term for dim sum. Sadly for Goku, he doesn’t get to eat. Luckily for us, he does not attempt to eat Yamcha or his feline friend, Puar (a shapeshifter who has bad history with Oolong).

The battle ends in a draw, as Yamcha is scared off by Bulma. Dude has the right idea.

In this episode, Goku eats: A pile of rocks. Not satisfying.

Notable differences from the manga: Goku only shows his crotch once. So… improvement?



Episode 4 – Oolong the Terrible

Episode four doesn’t waste any time putting Goku and Bulma back on the trail of the fifth Dragon Ball. Sadly, Bulma has forgotten her name again (as evidenced by the giant “BULMA” on her hat). Poor girl.

The Dragon Ball radar brings the duo to a small village that seems deserted. However, upon entering a home, Goku is hit in the head with an axe by a terrified man. Upon realizing their mistake, the townsfolk come out of hiding. It seems that the town is plagued by a monster named Oolong that is stealing young women. Goku and Bulma strike a deal: if the pair can rid the village of the beast, they’ll get the Dragon Ball.

Given that this is Goku’s first run-in with women other than Bulma, he needs to be sure that they are, in fact, female. He gives ’em the ol’ Goku pat-down to verify that they are sans wiener. It’s still supremely uncomfortable to watch a little boy pull a Trump.

Goku dresses up like the next victim to trick the shapeshifting monster, but gives himself away when he pees on a tree. After some witty repartee, Oolong reveals his true form to be a pig dressed in military garb. He can only hold a different form for five minutes, making him elusive. He refined the power because women were blowing him off.

In the end, Bulma and Goku grab the oinker and find out that he wasn’t capturing the underage girls to eat them. He took them to his palace (built on proceeds from swindling innocents out of money), because he wanted to marry them. Let me repeat that. The pig wanted to marry the elementary school-aged girls. Dragon Ball, I have questions.

It turns out the girls have gotten the better end of the deal, as their parents discover them living a life of leisure. So, to recap: a PIG gets “friend-zoned” (which is not a real thing, so stop using that term seriously), he kidnaps extremely young girls to marry them, they end up lounging by his pool (so he decides to kidnap more), and they forgot to call their folks because… reasons.

What. The. Frak?

In this episode, Goku eats: An axe to the face.

Notable differences from the manga: Oolong is revealed to be younger than Bulma. Bulma is revealed to have a 34C chest. One of these is useful information to make the kidnapping of young girls a bit less creepy. The other makes it creepy again. Oh, and the whole thing with Goku touching crotches has an official name: “pat-pat.” Oh goody.